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Literally 'taking the girl away in a special way or for a special purpose, like making her one's wife'. Vivaha or the marriage ceremony is one of the oldest and most important rites of passage. Kanyadana or giving away one's daughter in marriage, was considered the greatest sacrifice a man could perform. |
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It was also a sacrifice performed by the bridegroom to perpetuate his vansha or lineage and thus fulfill his debts to his pitras (see Ashram). As the concept of rebirth became more important (see Moksha), so too did the need for progeny. The funeral rites and Shradha which ensured one's place in heaven and eventual salvation could only be performed by one's sons. And so the importance of marriage as a means to this end. By making marriage a sacrament, the Hindus elevated physical union to spiritual dimensions. From its initial simplicity, the wedding ceremony became complicated over time to reinforce the extended family. A Hindu wedding prescribes a ritual function for all important family relationships. Thus, scattered relatives gather for any wedding in the family to perform their roles. A wedding is, therefore, designed to cement family ties. Today, a marriage is perhaps the most important social occasion for any family, reflecting the regional color that overlays the basic Vedic rites, according to different local Paddhatis. A muhurta is chosen even today by the time of the year and the horoscopes of the bride and groom. Wedding preparations begin well beforehand. The wedding is usually conducted at the bride's home. In today's changing society and needs, it is often held in special marriage halls. Entire families congregate, with evenings spent in singing, dancing and eating. A day before the wedding, the bride and her friends and female relatives gather for the ceremony of Mehendi, in which their palms and feet are decorated with henna. The bride is teased with music and dance, by the other women about her future husband and in-laws. A canopy or mandapa is erected at the marriage venue on the day of the wedding, within which the ceremony is conducted. This is usually a wooden frame with a cloth top. The poles of the frame are draped with strings of flowers. On the wedding morning, various ablutionary rituals are performed on both the bride and the groom in their own homes. Their bodies are anointed with turmeric, sandalwood paste and oils, which cleanse the body, soften the skin, and make it aromatic. They are then bathed to the chanting of Vedic mantras. Today this is done symbolically, if at all, with a token application of turmeric, sandal wood, and oil on the face and arms, before the bath. |
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| The bride now wears all her finery, helped by her womenfolk. This part of the ceremony even finds mention in the Vedas. In different parts of India, brides wear different kinds of clothes, ornaments, and adornments. The bride's clothes are usually typical of the area. |
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A Rajasthani bride would wear a lehenga, a Punjabi bride would wear a salwar-kameez, and a Maharashtrian bride would wear a nineyard sari. Most brides wear saris nowadays, usually in shades of red, pink or mustard. A bride sports as much traditional jewellery as her family can muster, for today, she is Lakshmi incarnate, harbinger of prosperity to her new home. Like her clothes, the bride's ornaments also differ according to local tradition. However, necklaces, earrings, bangles, rings, a nose-ring, anklets, and toe-rings are worn by most brides. Ornaments like armlets, tikas, hathaphula, and waistbands, traditionally important, are optional today and not worn in all areas. Traditionally, the bride was adorned with natural beauty aids. For example, a paste of henna was put over her nails, which stained them red. Her eyes were lined with kajal and scented water was sprinkled on her. Today, however, most brides, both in the urban and rural areas, use cosmetics and perfumes. In south India, flowers were, and remain, an important adornment, while the north is now beginning to rediscover this beautiful custom. Most grooms in the north wear a shervani with a churidar pyjama, a bandha gala suit, or a western-style suit. Turbans are also very popular, for the groom and the important members of his entourage. In the south, grooms most often wear the traditional veshti (dhoti). North Indian grooms set forth to their weddings adorned with a sehera, a veil of flowers tied to the turban, to screen their faces from the evil eye on the way. The tying on of the sehera known as seherabandi confers the status of Vishnu himself on the groom. This is done because the precious gift of a daughter, Kanyadana, can only be made to a god. A muhurta is selected for Seherabandi, just before the groom's family and friends are to leave their house for the wedding. The groom's brother's wife ties or places the sehera on his head. The marriage procession, or baraat, then leaves the house with the groom seated on a white mare, with his relatives and friends walking, dancing and singing around him. At the bride's home, her father is supposed to ceremonially receive the bride groom with a drink of perfumed water mixed with honey (This rite is known as Madhuparka), and escort him inside. This custom is lapsing into disuse now. Instead, the bride's mother, sister-in-law, or sister performs an arati for the groom when he arrives. He is showered with flower petals, and perfumed water is sprinkled on him. The next ritual is called milni or milai, literally 'meeting'. Members of the bride's family are formally introduced to their counterparts in the groom's family. Before the actual wedding rites begin, the names of the ancestors of both bride and groom, with the gotra and pravara, are announced before the gathering (This is the custom of gotrachara). This indicates the ancestry and social status of both families. Jaimala is the next step, when the bride and the groom garland each other in formal mutual acceptance. Jai means 'victory' and mala means 'garland'. This custom has become a very important part of the wedding ceremony now but is not mentioned in the Vedas. It probably originates from the svayamvara. After this, the bride and groom sit in the mandapa next to each other before a sacrificial pit or havan kunda. The bride sits to the right of the groom. The bride's parents sit to her right, the priest sits opposite them, to the left of the groom. In the center is the Agni. Kanyadana takes place now. The bride is given to the groom by her father, or by her grandfather or brother in the absence of her father. The bride's father first symbolically gives her to Vishnu. The priest invokes the god with mantras. The bride's father takes her hands and places them in the groom's, transferring his responsibility for her to the groom. The groom assures her father that he will not be false to her in dharma, artha, or kama. After this, in south India, the groom ties a tali (Mangalasutra) around the bride's neck. Tying the mangalasutra has now become the crux of the kanyadana ceremony. The ritual of agni pradakshina follows, in which the bride and groom ritually walk seven times around the sacrificial fire. Also called pheras, this signifies their union. Vedic mantras are chanted, and offerings are made to the fire to ask for blessings as the couple walk around the fire. For the first three rounds, the bride walks ahead of the groom. For the next four, the groom leads the way. After each round, they sit down and the priest chants appropriate mantras. During the pheras, the bride is made to stand upon a stone, to symbolically imbibe its firmness, to help her be loyal and faithful to her husband. The marriage ceremony now enters its most important phase, the saptapadi, in which the couple take seven steps together, facing the north, after which the bride comes to the groom's left, leaving his 'strong' right side free to take on the world. Legally, the marriage is now final and binding, in those Paddhatis that include the saptapadi. Legend goes that during the wedding of Shiva and Parvati, Shiva asked Parvati to come to his left after the agni pradakshina, symbolizing that they had been married. Parvati said she would not accept this as a marriage until Shiva granted her seven wishes. Shiva did so, and then made seven stipulations, which Parvati accepted, and then came to his left. With each step, the bride and groom pray for food, strength, wealth, happiness, progeny, cattle and devotion. The couple are now considered married. The bride is then sprinkled with holy water. This is believed to purify her from any previous sins and cleanse her, preparatory to her new life ahead. In the north and east, the ritual of putting sindoor, or vermilion powder, in the parting of the bride's hair is now performed by the husband. The husband dips his ring in vermilion powder and traces a line from the center of his wife's hairline to the crown of her head. With this, the ceremony is complete. The gathering showers the bride and groom with flower petals and the couple come out of the mandapa. They touch the feet of their elders to receive blessings and are greeted by everyone present. The bride now leaves for her new home, bidding a tearful farewell to her own family (vidai, literally 'farewell'). She now belongs to another family and no longer to her parents, for she has been ritually given away. While her family weeps, the groom and his companions celebrate, for they are taking Lakshmi incarnate with them. They proceed homewards dancing and singing. When the bride arrives at her new home, an arati is performed for her by her mother-in-law and she is ceremonially ushered into the house. She takes care to enter, auspicious right foot first, gently kicking over a strategically placed measure of paddy as an augury of plenty for her new family. From the hymns and verses about marriage in the Vedas, it is evident that mature individuals were considered ready for marriage. Even the Grihyasutras, declared that the correct age was after puberty. In subsequent times however, brides were married even in childhood. The most significant reason for this is that from around the third century BC there was a series of foreign invasions in north India. In an attempt to secure their womenfolk from the invaders, early marriages became the norm. The Smritis took the extreme stand of recommending that the ideal marriageable age for a girl was as a new-born. Marriage is considered the origin of all domestic sacrifices and sacraments. Therefore, most of the Grihyasutras (see Sutra) begin with a description of this ceremony. Its origin as a ceremony can be traced back to the Vedic period since the Vedas contain hymns and verses to be recited at the ceremony. Since then, it has been considered an integral part of life, binding not only in this life, but in the hereafter (see Moksha). According to the later strictures of Manu, divorce and remarriage were not permitted. Most references to marriage in the ancient texts suggest that the Aryans were monogamous. However, some references to polygamy and polyandry have been found in the Mahabharata and Ramayana. Today, both divorce and remarriage are legal, whereas polygamy and polyandry are criminal offences for Hindus, punishable by law.
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